Hanging on by a Thread
by Rogue-Phoenix-San
Summary: Tobio Kageyama had only looked at Shoyou Hinata as a tool for his own success. But over time, he started feeling as if the ice around his heart would melt away whenever he was around this "little sun". Forbidden lust, confusion, and denial were now a daily part of Kageyama's life. He had to get Hinata out of his head. But, could he fight the thread of fate?
1. Admiration

**_Admiration ; a feeling of wonder, pleasure, or approval_**

Since he had started playing for Karasuno, Tobio Kageyama had had an incredible amount of revelations hit him…almost all nearly at once. It seemed that his mind was being constantly blown by the things he was picking up on these days.

Most importantly, he had learned to observe. When he was told by Suga-san that it was the setter's job to monitor the condition of his teammates, he had been caught off-guard by it. How had something so indisputably essential and basic escaped his mind? Since then, he had started to pay a lot more attention to his teammates. He was in absolute awe at how much he was learning about everyone through the simple act of observation. Recently, he had found himself increasingly intrigued by one teammate in particular; Shoyo Hinata.

He flashed back to the game they had played against each other during junior high. His team had properly trounced Hinata's by a large margin. Yet, he recalls having been absolutely stunned at the speed, agility and jumping height he had witnessed when Hinata had spiked that broad shot. After the tournament, Hinata had approached him; tears streaming down his face, and had 'informed' him that he would beat him on the court one day. He was ballsy, that one. Kageyama had wondered, just who the hell WAS that orange-haired kid?

And then, as if the betrayal he had experienced at the hands of his own teammates hadn't been enough, the fates had decided to put that same orange-haired kid in his path once more. At first, he had written Hinata off as just an overly excitable, loud, and obnoxious anomaly. He was just some kind of fluke with no real talent. He had obviously wasted his 3 years in junior high school, and Kageyama had no interest in playing with someone like **_that_**.

When he was told to play on a 3-man team with Hinata and Tanaka-san for the right to join the volleyball club, he had been absolutely infuriated. The shrimp couldn't receive a ball to save his own life. How the hell was he ever going to get anywhere with someone like **_that_** dragging him down?! He had vowed to ignore Hinata completely during the match and just feed the ball to Tanaka-san.

But then, something changed. During an exhausting rally at practice, he had angrily spiked the ball full power at Hinata after the boy had badgered him to keep going. He watched in admiration as Hinata chased that hit with every ounce of determination he had in his tiny body. Not only did the shrimp reach the ball, he also managed to receive it and send it his way for a toss. He had instinctively started to put his hands up for the toss. Kageyama will never forget what happened next.

Hinata was exhausted, way beyond his physical limits, and nearly wrecked. But the moment he looked up and saw that there was going to be a toss, he surged past the exhaustion and got back in time to spike it. That look of pure joy on Hinata's face was forever burned in his memory. He had never before witnessed such unadulterated delight, and it moved him. He had never been personally responsible for eliciting such a look from anyone, and it filled him with pride. Hinata practically sparkled with rapture. It seemed that he would burst from all the elation and Kageyama wondered how that little body could contain it all. It stirred some unknown feeling inside him. He wanted to see that look again, again, and again. He vowed to do whatever it took to make it happen.

That was the turning point. The beginning of all the highs, lows, the wins, the losses, and the inner turmoil Kageyama would come to face in that first year at Karasuno.


	2. Consternation

_**Consternation** : a sudden, alarming amazement or dread that results in utter confusion or dismay..._

Existing in Hinata's orbit was like one never-ending rollercoaster ride. Just when you think you've seen it all, you get caught flatfooted by an unsuspecting sudden turn or dip.

That Saturday that Kageyama had played against Sawamura, Tsukkishima and Yamaguchi was the first time he had got to see just what kind of a beast Hinata really was. They had been struggling for a while with the timing for his tosses and Hinata's spikes. But nothing was working.

Then, thanks again to Suga-san, Kageyama was able to realize that his toss had to match Hinata and not the other way around. Imagine his utter shock when the little jumping shrimp not only spiked his next toss, but did it with his eyes closed! Everyone in that gym that morning was absolutely floored by what they had just seen.

 ***Ba dum*** _Did he just…?_ ***Ba dum*** _…place_ _his utter_ _trust…_ ***Ba dum*** _…in my toss_ _and…_ ***Ba dum*** _…on ME?_ ***Ba dum ba dum***

Kageyama's heart was doing strange acrobatics in his chest and it confused him. He had spent three years with his team in junior high school and hadn't experienced any real level of trust with any of them. He couldn't understand how Hinata was able to do it so freely. His heart ignored him and kept racing ahead. _Why this reaction?_ He was simply feeling pleased that someone could hit his toss, right? Surely that had to be it?

"Dumbass! Why'd you close your eyes?!" Kageyama shouted at Hinata.

"You told me not to watch the ball!" Hinata shouted back at him.

Kagayama stood there dumbfounded. Hinata's simplicity really shocked him sometimes. He had never expected the shrimp to take his words _literally_. Well, if Hinata was going to put so much trust in him, he would do his best to get the ball to him.

"Believe in my toss." the words had left his mouth before he could stop them.

Hinata looked up at him with a fierce light shining in his eyes. A light so bright, it rivaled that of the sun. It dawned then on Kageyama that Hinata's name truly and fully encompassed his personality as a shining beacon of brilliance. Those eyes held such depth and emotion. Kageyama felt like he was losing himself in them.

"Kageyama?" said a concerned voice.

Kageyama snapped back to reality just in time to realize Hinata was a mere inches from his face and looking at him with a puzzled expression. _Shit! I was_ _spacing out just now!_ Kageyama cleared his throat.

"Just jump for the next toss. I'll get it to you." said Kageyama.

Hinata flashed a megawatt smile and returned to his position on the volleyball court.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_ Kageyama was flustered and annoyed at his lapse of awareness. He had to stop thinking about non-essential shit and get his head back in the game.

His next toss to Hinata...hit him right in the face. _Oops_ …

After Hinata's facial receive, things settled down and the duo were able to score multiple points with their demon-quick attack. They defeated the others and were officially accepted into the volleyball club.

That had been almost 6 months ago. Things had gotten quite a bit... _complicated_ since then. Mostly, because it seemed that he couldn't get Hinata out of his damn head.

Kageyama lived for volleyball. Hardly a day went by without some volleyball-related activity or thought. Since he and Hinata were on the same team, nearly all of those activities involved the little shrimp. They had started spending more and more time away from their other teammates practicing their demon-quick attack. It seemed that Hinata had become an inexplicably essential part of his life.

Kageyama was always stunned by Hinata's boundless determination in the face of adversity. Like, the kid didn't have the word 'quit' in his vocabulary. Hinata was born short, but had not allowed that fact to stop him from playing volleyball. If anything, it had driven him even harder to fight for his dream. Then there was Hinata's amazing stamina. Like his namesake sun, it seemed he was in the process of constant energy fusion. It was pretty damn frightening at times.

Kageyama had not been overly worried when he first noticed those things about Hinata. After all, they were things the others had noticed as well. It was the _other_ things he had started noticing about Hinata and himself that were starting to cause concern. Things about Hinata that made him feel...strange. He didn't know what to call it...for he had never experienced anything like that before.

It had all started innocently enough. He would feel annoyed when Hinata smiled at others the way he had smiled at him. Kageyama would narrow his eyes and glare daggers in the direction of whoever Hinata happened to be smiling at.

The way Hinata smiled at him made him feel as if that smile was just for _him_. He didn't like it when Hinata showed _his_ special smile to others. He would get moody and end up taking it out on Hinata during practice. He eventually realized that what he had been experiencing was...jealousy. He had scoffed at the thought at first. _Me?! Jealous because Hinata smiles at others? Ridiculous. I don't give a shit who he smiles at!_ But the more it happened, the more he realized it was true.

Then he started getting increasingly irritated whenever Hinata would be in any kind of prolonged physical contact with others. It didn't matter what the reason for the contact was, he just knew that he hated it. He had even caught himself growling through gritted teeth one day after Hinata had been pinned down and tickled senseless by Nishinoya.

It was ridiculous, it was unreasonable, and it seemed to be completely out of his damn control. He had somehow developed an irrational possessiveness when it came to Hinata. He covered his face with both hands and grunted in dismay. _What the fuck was he supposed to do NOW?!_


End file.
